Born: having been birthed.
Borne: carried or transmitted by or via.
Some readers and friends may recall that I really don’t like New Year’s Eve. As a child, I used to wake up on January 1st and wait for a feeling of change, of ‘different’. It never came. Of course, I know now that the very idea of the New Year is arbitrary. As a Pagan I actually have another wholly separate date, and we all know about Chinese New Year. The Pagan notion of the Wheel of the Year works with my curmudgeony gut feelings. The seasons progress, the rituals of life and faith are marked, the cycle repeats. It simply is, and for some reason it doesn’t stress me out like the secular American New Year does.
Looking back, this was a year of breathtaking lows and dazzling highs. In early January I was laid off from my job of 11 ½ years, losing excellent health and financial benefits, and a good portion of my identity and confidence as an adult. As the slightly larger contributor to our modest combined income, and having just taken a loan to replace our dead furnace, the shock was numbing. Since then I have temped for less pay, higher time and travel costs initially, no sick time, and no benefits. The worry and stress as the uncertainty and austerity measures drag on has been… challenging. Depression and chronic pain flares have been frequent.
Intense, but beautiful.
On the other hand, we made a big push with Bittersweet and the vastly expanded show season and product lines were successful. Essentially working two full time jobs for months at a time, the sacrifice of time and health paid off in an expanded customer base and the knowledge that we could grow even in these dismal economic times. We did a lot, but there’s still so much more to do. It will be even more hard work next year, but we know it’ll be worth it.
My life and relationships changed a lot this year, and I (re)learned painful lessons but also found grace and comfort given freely. My husband can tell you, part of how I manage depression is to be mindful of the blessings I have, and to be grateful for them. It was harder to keep that practice in the forefront of my mind this year than in years past, but I did my best and it continues to serve me well. I have good friends, loving family, and a wonderful husband. I have work, good coworkers and bosses, and a warm home to call my own. I have been fortunate in many ways. Thank you most especially to Steve, whose support and love are a shining constant. I love you, husband. Thank you, loved ones.
End of the day here at Tiny House.
I don’t know if things are going to be better in the coming year. I don’t know if change, inevitable as it is, will bring positive change. All I can do is hope; despite the fact that I’m what I call a “rational realist” (what some might call a pessimist). I hope that you and yours close the book on 2011 happier and healthier than you started it. I hope that 2012 brings you what you need. I hope that people like my friend Kate are given the chance to stop just “putting one foot in front of the other” and struggling to survive, and are instead given the chance to fly with lighter hearts and brighter smiles.
